Conversations with my ENT:
Me: So, this is my third time having to come in this year.
Him: I know, thanks! You're like my own personal stimulus package.
Me: Right. Well, you're alright - for a doctor - but I'd really like to just get together for lunch or something, you know, cut down on the office visits.
Him: In this economy?
Him, looking in my ear: Mmmhmm, swollen completely shut.
Me: I'm starting to wonder if there's something we can, like, DO, you know, whatever you guys do to little kids -
Him: Cut their ears off?
Me: Whatever is necessary! I'm thinking along the lines of tubes or surgery or -
Him: Or you could just stop eating dairy.
Me: *Death glare as my sister's spirit fills the room with laughter*
Me: That Ciprodex is $120 for the little 1/3 oz bottle!
Him: Oh, did I give it to you out of the cabinet before?
Me: Yes. I didn't realize it was liquid gold until this trip to the pharmacy.
Him: You know what makes it so expensive?
Me: What?
Him: The price.
...
Me: Did you really say that?
Him: *smiling as he gets a wick out*
Me: I mean how many people do you tell that horrible joke to?
Him: Ok, turn your head to the side...
Him: Alright, I'm going to put you on steroids.
Me: What?
Him: Prednisone, for 2 days.
Me: I'm nursing.
Him: It will put hair on his chest.
Me: She's a girl.
Him: Even better.
Me: Seriously, though, steroids?
Him: We have to get the swelling down so the antibiotics can penetrate.
Me: Are they going to have crazy side effects?
Him: Oh yeah. Psychosis, insomnia, mood swings, ravenous hunger, sweats.
Me: Thanks for giving it to me straight.
Him: *Slaps my knee*
He's alright.
But he WAS NOT KIDDING. I studiously stayed away from both google and my prescription insert because I have a long history of just not taking anything that looks the slightest bit scary/unnatural and, hello, I am 28 and going to end up deaf. I took two prednisone tablets. Then I'm on the way back from picking up Ananda from GS Camp and ALL OF A SUDDEN I'm sweating buckets and having an extremely hard time staying awake. Very wtf. Felt woozy and like I could totally miss cues as I drove and had to squint to concentrate :/ Two dizzy spells since I've been home. NOT OK. I HATE MEDICATION.
So I made the mistake of googling and found out that even the manufacturer says to not take this unless nothing else will work, and that some nurses say people who take it for more than 3 days have "prednisone personality" and damnitt all man. Damnitt. Ugh.
This better work.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Kittens AND Jesus - this IS controversial!!
Anne Rice, who many of you may know I have been a big fan of for most of my life, had a public...reconversion? back to her childhood Catholicism a few years back. She detailed her journey to this decision in the book Called Out of Darkness: A Spiritual Confession (which I loved) and she also changed her prolific fiction writing over completely from occult storylines (that were some of favorite books ever as a teenager) to "writing for the Lord". So far that's entailed historical fiction about the life of Christ (which I haven't read but is widely endorsed by many priests) and some deeply theological angel business I don't know much about.
Anne Rice
She also has a gay son who is a huge gay rights activist and who has her full love and support. Honestly she's been obviously and deeply conflicted as a New York Times reading, sex positive, secular humanist viewpoint sort of woman who wants to go to Mass and have communion each morning and is deeply researched on theology for her work - and as such I've been greatly interested in everything she has to say.
Anyway, she has a facebook, which she updates frequently and personally responds to a lot of comments on, and I have her added there. A few days ago she publically walked away from and renounced Christianity, and said she is no longer a Christian, "in the name of Christ". Basically she said she is over all this hate and the horrible things done in God's name and can no longer in good conscious as a follower of Jesus count herself part of it.
It's garnered A LOT of attention, I've already seen links for the NPR "All Things Considered" interview and the Huffington Post and LA Time write-ups as well as what seems to be an endless amount of opinion on facebook and in the blogosphere. I feel a weird combination of dissapointment, fascination and curiosity about the whole thing, personally.
This morning she posted a link to an article discussing her decision in The Catholic Register which she is calling "substantive criticism" that she may not agree with, but at least understands and respects. She asked "our" (facebook) opinions and I ended up writing up a big old comment. The truth is I think about this stuff EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
This is the article: http://www.ncregister.com/register_exclusives/the-strange-inner-world-of-anne-rice/
And my response to her posting it...stuff I've been thinking about constantly.
I thought it was a very interesting article. I have been on the fence about converting to Catholicism for some time. My struggle is about how I LOVE the gender complimentarity in conservative theology as it strongly resounds with me as a wife and mother and validates everything I've chosen in life...which is wonderful...but somewhere in between irrelevant and hurtful to my single, childfree, gay or polyamorous friends. When I read things like "The Theology of the Body" I'm overwhelmed, in my mind heart and soul, with how deeply and completely RIGHT it all seems...I have always felt birth control was wrong and abortion was monstrous, for me, and felt pressured as people tried to push them on me and urge me to be "responsible"...I'm very happy with my five beautiful children who came about in a purely organic and unplanned way. I feel I've done everything the way *I* should and that by trusting God's will, rather than taking it all in my own hands and trying to control things like family planning, I've ended up infinitely blessed with an amazing family...so Catholic teachings arel ike coming home for me - like SOMEONE DOES GET IT!! But then I feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed about Church doctrine out in "the real world" where I have literally as many gay friends as straight (I'm from Key West, now live near Miami) and the whole thing is seen as a lot of bigotry. I really DON'T judge others for their life choices in my own day to day existence (and enjoy relationships and interactions with a WIDE array of people). And I don't think Catholicism asks me to (or to stop living the way I do now). But Catholicism itself DOES (judge and exclude). Do I go with my resounding gut reaction that Catholics are telling the truth, hard to hear as it may be? That moral absolutes are necessary but also necessarily painful at times? Or do I separate my thought processes from my emotions, recognize my own bias and assume that everyone feels that whatever is right FOR THEM, is RIGHT in general, and as such renounce something that's deeply calling to me on the grounds that it isn't fair for most other people? I have a blog following that's been watching me vascillate back and forth on this issue for five years now Anne, and this is one more year I'm praying and feeling anxious as the time to sign everyone up for RCIA classes is about to pass me by. It does not help that while I get tremendous benefits from calling on saints and reading theology and having private devotional time, I really, really prefer the company of non-Catholics in the vast majority of cases - I'm taken aback again and again, when I venture out of my reading and prayer, by how cold or surface level or uptight actual Catholics seem. Yet...I want communion!! I want to worship. And so it goes, the endless paradox that is my faith life. Thank you for sharing your own (I loved Called Out of Darkness) and sorry this got so long.
The thing is, I can understand how if you believe in the Bible, you can think the act of homosexual sex is a sin or disordered nature or whatever. You might disagree on a personal level, even, and feel like YOU think gay sex is just sex between consenting adults, but still have to admit that God doesn't seem to jive with it from the biblical perspective. This I can wrap my head around.
I DO NOT understand how if you believe in the Bible, you think it's ok to hate or mistreat anyone, to judge them, to think their sin is somehow greater than your own sin when EVERYONE sins...you can disorder nature and commit grave sexual sin, according to Catholic beliefs, within a heterosexual marriage, or all by yourself. So why in the WORLD are we villifying and witch-hunting GAY PEOPLE, as a group, to such a wild extent? Politically especially but also in everyday life. It's easier for me to understand the secular obsession with pedophile priests.
The overwhelming message of the Bible, of Christ, is to love one another, he hung out with sinners, blah blah blah Micah 6:8 is even the old Testament and it's "What does the Lord require of us? But to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God". It's never our job to persecute or punish sin in other adult persons. PERIOD. It's reiterated SO MANY TIMES that we are supposed to look inward for sin, and look outward only for love. Search yourself for flaws, don't point them out in other people.
So anyway, yeah, with all this in mind. With the knowledge that many Christians think it's vitally important to uphold family values as they believe God intended them and all of that. How have we gotten to this point in our culture wars?
Because where our society is, right now...as a Christian person with Catholic-leaning beliefs...when I see this picture* my aunt's friend took in Key West?
It's clear to me that God does not hate anyone. That God made all of us, in His image, EVEN DRAG QUEENS. EVEN TRANS PEOPLE. EVEN freaking everyone. And so you see something like this and even though you're wondering to yourself if it's necessarily good to be like super duper shout it from the rooftops "EVERYONE SHOULD BE GAY, GAY PEOPLE ARE SUPERIOR, LET'S HAVE SO MANY GAY FESTIVALS AND PARADES THIS IS AWESOME" if there is sin involved in any way at all...well, how can you do anything but stand up and cheer for the "Fuck this Guy" dude?! Because one of those people is MISREPRESENTING GOD and making people feel attacked and ashamed. Those sentiments are NOT designed to inspire repentance or soul searching in ANYONE. The other guy is softening the blow and providing comfort through humor, i.e., mercy.
*Photo depicts the corner of Duval and Eaton, and the guy on the right is Jackson Holbrook
Likewise I recently read about some guy who took his church group to a Pride Parade and they held signs that said things like, "I'm so sorry people have x, y and z in the name of Jesus". I don't remember exactly; horrible shit though like "wished AIDS on you" and "beaten you up and denied you jobs". And this is where I'm at. Maybe if we lived in a Christian utopia where everyone strives to be Christlike it might be kind of weird for me to feel compelled by the Spirit to go to Pride parades and laugh and celebrate with guys in their underwear, making out in the street - but because of where we actually are... In a society where people stand on corners with signs that say things like the signs up there... I think it's the right thing to do. I think it's incredibly Christlike and awesome when I see that some guy in their underwear ran up to this apologetic guy with his church group and hugged him, crying. I think...that is what this is all about. None of us are ever gonna be magical non-sinning people (For none is righteous, no not one, it's in Romans somewhere) but we can get a little closer to people feeling safe and knowing this faith is not about lynching or exclusion or voting to separate loving parents from their children or any other crazily departed from Jesus crap.
I'm rambling. It's late and I'm really tired, like almost delerious. What I'm saying it I understand where Anne Rice is coming from, and I still don't really understand where I belong. Most of the real gay-bashing is done by Protestants, who I can't really take seriously in general anymore as an option. But Catholicism does everything from horrify everyone I come in contact with to make me question my own core beliefs...
Tangent - I don't think a gay person is more likely to go to Hell than anybody else. If anything they're bound to do tons more soul searching than someone secure in their church-going, accepted, heterosexual bigotry.
And I'm not saying all Christians are bigots. I don't think they are. I actually think a lot of great Christian people get a bad reputation because our liberal media picks up any time crumb of "horrible Christians" story and runs wild with it; I've been on the receiving end of so much love, patience and charity within various churches that it is just incredible.
But I think genuine concern over what is or is not sin can become a catch-all shield we hide behind when we would do better to examine ourselves... I don't think the vast majority of Christians who are against gay marriage are against it out of real concern over anyone's soul, for instance.
But I don't know where I personally can go to find the ones who are sincere in their faith, are really loving and non-judgemental, and are ok with curse words and Kevin Smith movies. It would also be a perk if makeup and dressing up were not required, and/or people would not try to hand my kids sodas and oreo cookies before parking them in front of a tv as soon as we walk in the door. The bottom line is that no matter how helpful and profound it is in my life, even when they want it, I can't bring myself to feel totally right and responsible as a parent to put my kids in RCIA classes, or just about any other deeply Christian environment where I'm not there to oversee and nitpick. AWANA is easy because it's so light; it's memorizing verses and earning badges and playing games outside. They still get the soda and oreos and tv sometimes but nobody is interpreting scripture for them in a way that makes me cringe (such as the United Church of Christ pastor who told my children, "We all know that everything in the bible isn't really true, right?" in the middle of children's church O_O)
I guess the point is everybody's gonna have to keep wading through entries of mine like this for awhile longer :p
I have let this sit open so long out of delerious, barely-awake concern that I'm saying something REALLY BADLY that I almost just closed it up and let it go into the abyss. Here goes nothing.
Anne Rice
She also has a gay son who is a huge gay rights activist and who has her full love and support. Honestly she's been obviously and deeply conflicted as a New York Times reading, sex positive, secular humanist viewpoint sort of woman who wants to go to Mass and have communion each morning and is deeply researched on theology for her work - and as such I've been greatly interested in everything she has to say.
Anyway, she has a facebook, which she updates frequently and personally responds to a lot of comments on, and I have her added there. A few days ago she publically walked away from and renounced Christianity, and said she is no longer a Christian, "in the name of Christ". Basically she said she is over all this hate and the horrible things done in God's name and can no longer in good conscious as a follower of Jesus count herself part of it.
It's garnered A LOT of attention, I've already seen links for the NPR "All Things Considered" interview and the Huffington Post and LA Time write-ups as well as what seems to be an endless amount of opinion on facebook and in the blogosphere. I feel a weird combination of dissapointment, fascination and curiosity about the whole thing, personally.
This morning she posted a link to an article discussing her decision in The Catholic Register which she is calling "substantive criticism" that she may not agree with, but at least understands and respects. She asked "our" (facebook) opinions and I ended up writing up a big old comment. The truth is I think about this stuff EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
This is the article: http://www.ncregister.com/register_exclusives/the-strange-inner-world-of-anne-rice/
And my response to her posting it...stuff I've been thinking about constantly.
I thought it was a very interesting article. I have been on the fence about converting to Catholicism for some time. My struggle is about how I LOVE the gender complimentarity in conservative theology as it strongly resounds with me as a wife and mother and validates everything I've chosen in life...which is wonderful...but somewhere in between irrelevant and hurtful to my single, childfree, gay or polyamorous friends. When I read things like "The Theology of the Body" I'm overwhelmed, in my mind heart and soul, with how deeply and completely RIGHT it all seems...I have always felt birth control was wrong and abortion was monstrous, for me, and felt pressured as people tried to push them on me and urge me to be "responsible"...I'm very happy with my five beautiful children who came about in a purely organic and unplanned way. I feel I've done everything the way *I* should and that by trusting God's will, rather than taking it all in my own hands and trying to control things like family planning, I've ended up infinitely blessed with an amazing family...so Catholic teachings arel ike coming home for me - like SOMEONE DOES GET IT!! But then I feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed about Church doctrine out in "the real world" where I have literally as many gay friends as straight (I'm from Key West, now live near Miami) and the whole thing is seen as a lot of bigotry. I really DON'T judge others for their life choices in my own day to day existence (and enjoy relationships and interactions with a WIDE array of people). And I don't think Catholicism asks me to (or to stop living the way I do now). But Catholicism itself DOES (judge and exclude). Do I go with my resounding gut reaction that Catholics are telling the truth, hard to hear as it may be? That moral absolutes are necessary but also necessarily painful at times? Or do I separate my thought processes from my emotions, recognize my own bias and assume that everyone feels that whatever is right FOR THEM, is RIGHT in general, and as such renounce something that's deeply calling to me on the grounds that it isn't fair for most other people? I have a blog following that's been watching me vascillate back and forth on this issue for five years now Anne, and this is one more year I'm praying and feeling anxious as the time to sign everyone up for RCIA classes is about to pass me by. It does not help that while I get tremendous benefits from calling on saints and reading theology and having private devotional time, I really, really prefer the company of non-Catholics in the vast majority of cases - I'm taken aback again and again, when I venture out of my reading and prayer, by how cold or surface level or uptight actual Catholics seem. Yet...I want communion!! I want to worship. And so it goes, the endless paradox that is my faith life. Thank you for sharing your own (I loved Called Out of Darkness) and sorry this got so long.
The thing is, I can understand how if you believe in the Bible, you can think the act of homosexual sex is a sin or disordered nature or whatever. You might disagree on a personal level, even, and feel like YOU think gay sex is just sex between consenting adults, but still have to admit that God doesn't seem to jive with it from the biblical perspective. This I can wrap my head around.
I DO NOT understand how if you believe in the Bible, you think it's ok to hate or mistreat anyone, to judge them, to think their sin is somehow greater than your own sin when EVERYONE sins...you can disorder nature and commit grave sexual sin, according to Catholic beliefs, within a heterosexual marriage, or all by yourself. So why in the WORLD are we villifying and witch-hunting GAY PEOPLE, as a group, to such a wild extent? Politically especially but also in everyday life. It's easier for me to understand the secular obsession with pedophile priests.
The overwhelming message of the Bible, of Christ, is to love one another, he hung out with sinners, blah blah blah Micah 6:8 is even the old Testament and it's "What does the Lord require of us? But to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God". It's never our job to persecute or punish sin in other adult persons. PERIOD. It's reiterated SO MANY TIMES that we are supposed to look inward for sin, and look outward only for love. Search yourself for flaws, don't point them out in other people.
So anyway, yeah, with all this in mind. With the knowledge that many Christians think it's vitally important to uphold family values as they believe God intended them and all of that. How have we gotten to this point in our culture wars?
Because where our society is, right now...as a Christian person with Catholic-leaning beliefs...when I see this picture* my aunt's friend took in Key West?
It's clear to me that God does not hate anyone. That God made all of us, in His image, EVEN DRAG QUEENS. EVEN TRANS PEOPLE. EVEN freaking everyone. And so you see something like this and even though you're wondering to yourself if it's necessarily good to be like super duper shout it from the rooftops "EVERYONE SHOULD BE GAY, GAY PEOPLE ARE SUPERIOR, LET'S HAVE SO MANY GAY FESTIVALS AND PARADES THIS IS AWESOME" if there is sin involved in any way at all...well, how can you do anything but stand up and cheer for the "Fuck this Guy" dude?! Because one of those people is MISREPRESENTING GOD and making people feel attacked and ashamed. Those sentiments are NOT designed to inspire repentance or soul searching in ANYONE. The other guy is softening the blow and providing comfort through humor, i.e., mercy.
*Photo depicts the corner of Duval and Eaton, and the guy on the right is Jackson Holbrook
Likewise I recently read about some guy who took his church group to a Pride Parade and they held signs that said things like, "I'm so sorry people have x, y and z in the name of Jesus". I don't remember exactly; horrible shit though like "wished AIDS on you" and "beaten you up and denied you jobs". And this is where I'm at. Maybe if we lived in a Christian utopia where everyone strives to be Christlike it might be kind of weird for me to feel compelled by the Spirit to go to Pride parades and laugh and celebrate with guys in their underwear, making out in the street - but because of where we actually are... In a society where people stand on corners with signs that say things like the signs up there... I think it's the right thing to do. I think it's incredibly Christlike and awesome when I see that some guy in their underwear ran up to this apologetic guy with his church group and hugged him, crying. I think...that is what this is all about. None of us are ever gonna be magical non-sinning people (For none is righteous, no not one, it's in Romans somewhere) but we can get a little closer to people feeling safe and knowing this faith is not about lynching or exclusion or voting to separate loving parents from their children or any other crazily departed from Jesus crap.
I'm rambling. It's late and I'm really tired, like almost delerious. What I'm saying it I understand where Anne Rice is coming from, and I still don't really understand where I belong. Most of the real gay-bashing is done by Protestants, who I can't really take seriously in general anymore as an option. But Catholicism does everything from horrify everyone I come in contact with to make me question my own core beliefs...
Tangent - I don't think a gay person is more likely to go to Hell than anybody else. If anything they're bound to do tons more soul searching than someone secure in their church-going, accepted, heterosexual bigotry.
And I'm not saying all Christians are bigots. I don't think they are. I actually think a lot of great Christian people get a bad reputation because our liberal media picks up any time crumb of "horrible Christians" story and runs wild with it; I've been on the receiving end of so much love, patience and charity within various churches that it is just incredible.
But I think genuine concern over what is or is not sin can become a catch-all shield we hide behind when we would do better to examine ourselves... I don't think the vast majority of Christians who are against gay marriage are against it out of real concern over anyone's soul, for instance.
But I don't know where I personally can go to find the ones who are sincere in their faith, are really loving and non-judgemental, and are ok with curse words and Kevin Smith movies. It would also be a perk if makeup and dressing up were not required, and/or people would not try to hand my kids sodas and oreo cookies before parking them in front of a tv as soon as we walk in the door. The bottom line is that no matter how helpful and profound it is in my life, even when they want it, I can't bring myself to feel totally right and responsible as a parent to put my kids in RCIA classes, or just about any other deeply Christian environment where I'm not there to oversee and nitpick. AWANA is easy because it's so light; it's memorizing verses and earning badges and playing games outside. They still get the soda and oreos and tv sometimes but nobody is interpreting scripture for them in a way that makes me cringe (such as the United Church of Christ pastor who told my children, "We all know that everything in the bible isn't really true, right?" in the middle of children's church O_O)
I guess the point is everybody's gonna have to keep wading through entries of mine like this for awhile longer :p
I have let this sit open so long out of delerious, barely-awake concern that I'm saying something REALLY BADLY that I almost just closed it up and let it go into the abyss. Here goes nothing.
Controversial Kittens
My cat had kittens! It would have been better if we had avoided it and I will have her spayed (and already have good homes lined up for two of her litter), but it is impossible to not be caught up in the adorable awesomeness that is a litter of brand new kittens. Also just silly to not recognize the great enrichment it is for the kids, watching her birth and fielding the endless conversation it's inspired. Yes, I know the cat population is overloaded and that a bunch of you who blew up my formspring in reference to this will probably be seeing red*. This is why I didn't want to deal with updating about her pregnancy as we waited for the day. But I have to share the pictures.
Despite my having a large box full of baby blankets under a table (SO DEN LIKE) in a privatecloset room, I still awoke yesterday to Grant saying, "Tina! Tina...your cat is in labor...in our bed..." Sure enough she chose on top of him as the place to have her kittens. He got up, leaving his blanket behind for her...she really loves Grant best, which is hilarious as he is NOT a cat person and she thinks she can win him over through acts like leaving a dead mouse in his shoe as a gift. And pushing kittens out on him as he sleeps.
Sac starting to bulge out...this is not going to get super graphic so don't be afraid.
This really cracks me up. She was making OW noises and I'm sorry, this face is hilarious.
The first two came out almost on top of each other.
And I had some delusion at first that I might need to "help", which she quickly remedied. Yes, as usual the animal kingdom affirms for me that birth intervention is largely hooey.
And, hours later.
There are 7 all together. We thought eight for awhile but it was a miscount - you can't ever really see them all at once as they are generally underneath her in a heap. Part of me is worried that she will have some kind of post-birth problem or one or more of the kittens won't nurse well but I'm squelching it and hoping that doesn't come back to reinforce my bizarre fear cycle with the medical industry when catastrophe strikes.
*for those of you who missed it, Peter was an adopted rescue cat that came to us neutered, but Chrysanthemum was bought from a breeder who begged us to hold off on spaying her until she was a year old (or AT LEAST AT LEAST 9 months) because "it's a major operation for a girl". I agreed, not realizing that she would be in heat several times over by the time that time came, and once she was finally old enough our financial situation had changed. Anyway, I figured we'd do it when we could as she was an exclusively indoor cat, but cats (apparently) get REALLY determined to get out when they're in heat, and she managed a couple of times.
Despite my having a large box full of baby blankets under a table (SO DEN LIKE) in a private
Sac starting to bulge out...this is not going to get super graphic so don't be afraid.
This really cracks me up. She was making OW noises and I'm sorry, this face is hilarious.
The first two came out almost on top of each other.
And I had some delusion at first that I might need to "help", which she quickly remedied. Yes, as usual the animal kingdom affirms for me that birth intervention is largely hooey.
And, hours later.
There are 7 all together. We thought eight for awhile but it was a miscount - you can't ever really see them all at once as they are generally underneath her in a heap. Part of me is worried that she will have some kind of post-birth problem or one or more of the kittens won't nurse well but I'm squelching it and hoping that doesn't come back to reinforce my bizarre fear cycle with the medical industry when catastrophe strikes.
*for those of you who missed it, Peter was an adopted rescue cat that came to us neutered, but Chrysanthemum was bought from a breeder who begged us to hold off on spaying her until she was a year old (or AT LEAST AT LEAST 9 months) because "it's a major operation for a girl". I agreed, not realizing that she would be in heat several times over by the time that time came, and once she was finally old enough our financial situation had changed. Anyway, I figured we'd do it when we could as she was an exclusively indoor cat, but cats (apparently) get REALLY determined to get out when they're in heat, and she managed a couple of times.
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