Dr. Hilarity, or, I'd Rather Not Be Deaf By 35

Conversations with my ENT:


Me: So, this is my third time having to come in this year.
Him: I know, thanks! You're like my own personal stimulus package.
Me: Right. Well, you're alright - for a doctor - but I'd really like to just get together for lunch or something, you know, cut down on the office visits.
Him: In this economy?
Him, looking in my ear: Mmmhmm, swollen completely shut.
Me: I'm starting to wonder if there's something we can, like, DO, you know, whatever you guys do to little kids -
Him: Cut their ears off?
Me: Whatever is necessary! I'm thinking along the lines of tubes or surgery or -
Him: Or you could just stop eating dairy.
Me: *Death glare as my sister's spirit fills the room with laughter*


Me: That Ciprodex is $120 for the little 1/3 oz bottle!
Him: Oh, did I give it to you out of the cabinet before?
Me: Yes. I didn't realize it was liquid gold until this trip to the pharmacy.
Him: You know what makes it so expensive?
Me: What?
Him: The price.
...
Me: Did you really say that?
Him: *smiling as he gets a wick out*
Me: I mean how many people do you tell that horrible joke to?
Him: Ok, turn your head to the side...


Him: Alright, I'm going to put you on steroids.
Me: What?
Him: Prednisone, for 2 days.
Me: I'm nursing.
Him: It will put hair on his chest.
Me: She's a girl.
Him: Even better.
Me: Seriously, though, steroids?
Him: We have to get the swelling down so the antibiotics can penetrate.
Me: Are they going to have crazy side effects?
Him: Oh yeah. Psychosis, insomnia, mood swings, ravenous hunger, sweats.
Me: Thanks for giving it to me straight.
Him: *Slaps my knee*

He's alright.

But he WAS NOT KIDDING. I studiously stayed away from both google and my prescription insert because I have a long history of just not taking anything that looks the slightest bit scary/unnatural and, hello, I am 28 and going to end up deaf. I took two prednisone tablets. Then I'm on the way back from picking up Ananda from GS Camp and ALL OF A SUDDEN I'm sweating buckets and having an extremely hard time staying awake. Very wtf. Felt woozy and like I could totally miss cues as I drove and had to squint to concentrate :/ Two dizzy spells since I've been home. NOT OK. I HATE MEDICATION.

So I made the mistake of googling and found out that even the manufacturer says to not take this unless nothing else will work, and that some nurses say people who take it for more than 3 days have "prednisone personality" and damnitt all man. Damnitt. Ugh.

This better work.